Och weel dae I mind in the days o' lang syne,
When I wis a laddie sae wee,
If ever I'd gand tae dae onything wrang
Ma mither wid lecture tae me,
She'd say tae me, "Bairn stay awa' frae the wimmin,
Or ye'll rue it the day ye begin."
So I never thocht twice aboot tak'n advice
For twa heids are better than yin!

But me being young, all my wantin' was spun,
So the first thing that I look'd for was a wife.
And I found a wee tart wi' a wee warm heart
Tae sew on my buttons for life.
I called her my one and my wee cuttin' bun (?)
And I tickled her under the chin,
And she'd say to me, lad, will ye nae mair gad,
For Twa heids are better than yin.

Last Saturday night, mon, I got such a fright
That I nearly jumped oot o' my skin,
For as sure as I'm here, my wee wife, I declare,
She gae me a present o' twins!
Says I tae her, Jean, tell me what do ye mean?
It's a terrible thing that ye done!
But she cried it out loud, "Mon, ye ought tae be proud,
For twa heids are better than yin!"